The New abNormal

I don't typically repost, but since today marks the official change from SciFi to SyFy, I just couldn't think of anything new to say but wanted to mention it. So here it is.

Dear Programming Executives (and NBC Universal, sure, why not?)

I'd like to tell you that I've given a great deal of thought to this blog, but I'll just say I put in what I would wager is a comparable amount of time - say, as long as it might take someone to hammer out a movie concept for one of your high quality saturday evening original features. More on that later, though.

I've noticed that you plan to change your brand to "SyFy" from the universally accepted "SciFi" in a few months, due in part, apparently, to your concern that you're just not getting enough of the "right" crowd of people to tune into your channel.

Well, in the words of the common net parlance: UR DOIN IT WRONG.

Let me first review a few little tidbits where I think you've just been flushing money hand over fist down the televised toilet, and then I'll give you a few pointers as to what I believe you could do to get yourself a solid base of support.

You see, I do count myself among the millions of fans who file in under a little genre we like to call "Science Fiction." Maybe you've heard of it. Chances are, you consider it that row of paperback books in the local Barnes and Noble that has shelf after shelf of women posed in chainmail bikinis (not that there's anything wrong with that) next to bronzed, loincloth-clad flexing males holding high their delightfully shiny - and not at all phallic - magical sword of [insert beast name here] slaying. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Well, I don't even have time to begin telling you how far from the broader range that genre goes. And that's not even counting the Fantasy portion, which - you may be shocked to learn - extends a bit from My Little Ponies' Unicorn series and J.R.R. Tolkien. Really. I swear to god, it does.

And we, the convoluted and occasionally distractable hordes of science fiction/fantasy appreciation, we would like to for just one moment tell you that you're missing the mark, here.

We're not hard to please, honestly. Sure, there are large chunks of our number who may froth about a bit about which Captain of Which Starship could kick Whose @$$ in a straightup Barfight on which M-Class Planet in Which Universe, but that's just cos we love to compete and generally aren't so good at athletics. I tell you, you ever organize a "Celebrity Olympics" event with the casts of Star Wars vs Star Trek, and by god, we'll lock down that channel for a fricking month. But, I digress.

My point is that we're really pretty easy to please. And if you manage to please us, we'll even keep the channel on a bit longer in a kind of gentle forgiveness for the extra tawdry bit of mind numbing programming you seem wont to shove down our tender throats.

What kind of tawdry bits, you ask?

Well, for starters, I think you should stop thinking Sci Fi fans are completely retarded. And yes, I'm going to use that word, because that's what you think of us - I'm not talking about the politically incorrect definition of physical or mental challenges, I'm talking about the elementary school epithet which was once so prevalent.  It may be simply social retardation of which you accuse us - and there may sadly be a pretty strong kernal of truth in that - but we're still your goddamn viewing audience; so just a little bit of respect, if you don't mind, would be perfectly acceptable.

Reality Shows. I'm not entirely sure I need to explain myself here, but Reality Shows are pretty much the polar opposite of Science Fiction shows, aren't they? Maybe you need to draw me a map or paint me a picture, but watching a couple of blokes in faux military gear and night vision goggles running about in abandoned psychiactric wards just doesn't quite equate to boldly going where no man (or no one) has gone before. If it doesn't go FTL, then why are we riding that gravy train?

Wrestling. Don't make me come over there. Honestly. ECW? WTF?! Not even the video game version of this should be on your channel. 

A new Marathon, Every Day. See, now you're just getting LAZY. Especially when you're running a serial-driven show and I happen to tune in right in the middle of it? Ugh. I'm more likely going to change the channel and pick it up on Netflix. And when I'm watching those DVDs, I'm not watching your channel, either.

The dreaded weekly Sci Fi Original Movie. Seriously, I'm going print a Mad Lib book for you guys, with fill-in-the-blank sections like "B-list Actor", "C-List Actress", "Animal", "Type of Energy", "Small Town", "Geographic Feature", "Scientific profession". And with that, you can fire all the rest of your "Idea people", and just plug in random words whispered to you by 10 year olds to come up with the ideas for those steaming turds you put on each weekend.

Don't you get it? If you really think your base audience is even remotely as socially backwards as you claim, then you have to know they're going to be home on Saturday nights. So why not actually give them a reward for their loyalty? Not some poorly-rendered CGI wankfest that's more pixelated than YouTube on a DSL connection starring people we only vaguely remember (sorry guys, I know you're working and all, it's not your fault) with a wretched plot scribbled together by the rest of the infinite number of monkeys who couldn't afford typewriters.

There's my main list of complaints. I've got more, but I think you've got the idea and I don't want to sound like I'm just Mr Cranky's illegitimate son.

Here's a few suggestions I have, which - taken with a grain or two of salt - you might find to be a pretty solid approach to winning back some of the good will you've lost by continuing to discredit yourselves in your halfhearted attempts to try and look cool while you say you run a Science Fiction cable channel. You see, if you want to keep your audience support, they can't think you find them reprehensible. Sure, maybe they smell a bit... off. But if there's one thing a Science Fiction fanboy (or fangirl) will do, it's spend money. Oh, yes, dear lord, we do that. And we spend it on the sources of our fanaticism. Wouldn't you love a bit of that fanperson cash?

Well, here's what you need to consider:

A full spectral representation of Science Fiction that displays your love of the genre. I'm talking Outer Limits, Space:1999, all 5 Star Trek series (yes, even Deep Space Nine - you may not love it but a LOT of Trek-fans would fall on their bat'leths for it). If you want originals, then start producing across a broader sub-genre selection instead of the modern monster genre. We've all seen the 50-foot Gila Monster, and a lot of us watched MST3K do it better. Branch out a bit, look into cyberpunk, steampunk, Altenate History, Space Operas, Space Westerns, et cetera. Go back to the classics and reimagine them. Explore science fiction as seen in other countries besides the US. Would it kill you to show Ultra Man sometime?

If you're determined to have reality television, then at least make sure all of the shows really are grounded in a Science Fiction element. Don't be afraid to mix a little bit of cutting edge tech with your "visions for the future", either. One of the real building blocks of Science Fiction is, well, Science. If you have to sit down and think for a moment as to whether your original show belongs on your channel or Spike TV or the Comedy Channel, then maybe they should have it.

Look to unexpected mediums for your material. For example? Anime - sorry, that's Japanese Animation for the uninitiated - has a WEALTH of material, only a tiny bit of which has ended up on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim (and if you guys from Adult Swim are reading this, be warned: you're next on my list). Cowboy Bebop, Evangelion, Ghost in the Shell, just to name a few.

There's a serious amount of old shows that remain quality resources for science fiction fans. Old shows like the Prisoner, for example - - that show could really go with some dusting off. And could probably be yours for a song.

Start having some grownup programming. We're not all trapped in a perma-puberty, after all. Half the time, I can't decide whether you think you're dumbing things down for your audience, or really are just a wee bit uninformed. Clearly, as I'm writing this blog under the pretense of telling you how to do your jobs, I'm leaning towards the latter.

Take a look at the shows that were truly successful. Battlestar Galactica. Firefly (don't listen to Fox, they have no idea what they lost). Stargate. Futurama. 

Now, what I do NOT mean is that you should translate this into making a thousand shows and just slapping the word "Stargate" on the front of the title.  Show a bit of creativity. There are a LOT of good writers out there, churning out book after book (ahem - blatant plug here) of quality material, and it feels like you're going with folks who know how to spell "Warp Drive" correctly.  Science fiction is - among other things - about taking chances, changing from the expected norm, and, yes, tossing in a really attractive actor or actress for an intelligent bit of eye candy. Boobs? Explosions? Sure. Laser guns? Perhaps.

But better yet, why don't you go back to Joseph Campbell and look at his understanding and comprehension of mythology. Science fiction is, to a certain extent, the forward memory of myth. But rather than looking back to see the faint glimpses of what has or might have been, Science Fiction challenges us, much as the words of George Bernard Shaw, to imagine a world that MIGHT be, and ask, Why Not?

Changing your name to what you believe will be a "more marketable" name like "SyFy" is just window dressing, and not very good window dressing at that. You want your audience to love you? Worship you? Follow you to the ends of the Earth (or middle earth,  Earthsea, whatever)? Or even just spend their money on you and your advertizers?

Well, then, you need to start by becoming a fan yourself.

Do that, and then we can talk.


I don't think it's really a debate over whether or not the execs at the SciFi network really and truly "get" science fiction as a media genre. Oh, certainly, they have been quite explicit in their recent interviews (read: free advertising) but I think just like with anything in this world, you have to go behind their words and look at what they're doing.

I think it's clear now as well, that they've discovered that a large and vocal portion of the science fiction fanbase has turned on them - but what I don't think they realize is that a lot of people left a while ago - only perhaps tuning back in for shows like Battlestar Galactica or some such.

I called yesterday to cancel my DSL service. Yes, I know, blah blah blah dialup blah blah blah. Anyway, we have our new cable high speed set up now, so I just wrapped up our previous service. They asked me the typical question of "if you don't mind, may I ask why you're cancelling your service with us?" to which I answered:

"How long have I been with you?"

When they answered (it had been 2+ years), I asked him why, in all those years, they had never offered me a complimentary free month or reduced monthly service charge in exchange for extending my contract with them.

"Well, we don't generally offer that sort of thing."

I nodded - silly thing to do when talking on the phone, but I do tend to rely on body language a lot when I'm actually speaking to people, phone or otherwise - and said "and that's why I'm leaving. You stopped treating me like you did when I first picked up service with you. I know it's not your fault, it's a choice that management and your marketing people have made, but when you stopped acting like you cared whether or not I stayed, I went with someone who did seem to care."

And yes, I know sound like I'm talking about a relationship. But it IS a relationship, isn't it? What is it about that, I wonder, that these marketing executives don't seem to understand? You can't just rest on your laurels in these things. You have to fight to maintain your audience EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Let's use what I call my "Cheeseburger Metaphor" for examining expectations vs. diminishing returns. It goes like this:

You go into your average fast food establishment, and order a 2 dollar cheeseburger. You give them two dollars, they give you a cheeseburger, and you go about your day. How do you feel about their service? Well, you're not totally singing their praises, are you? I mean, your expectations were MET, but that's it. You paid two bucks, expected a cheeseburger, and got your cheeseburger. Deal.

But now imagine the same scenario, but they give you a fish burger. You take a bite and are dissatisfied. They did not live up to their end of the bargain. You go back, slap the fishburger down on the counter and demand satisfaction. Now, if they give you the cheeseburger, are you satisfied? Maybe, but the thing is, you can't shake the sense that you shouldn't have had to go back. You didn't pay them 2 bucks to get a fishburger, a return trip to the counter and THEN a cheeseburger. They did not live up to the original bargain of "Two bucks = Cheeseburger." So your satisfaction is lower. Even though - in the end - you received your original expectation, it cost you more than the two dollars. You've been robbed.

So how does the burger joint make up for this? They have to go above and beyond just to get you back to "satisfied". Forget about getting you to sing their praises, they're gonna be lucky that you don't just write them off and start going somewhere else.

Customer service companies talk about the danger of silent dissatisfaction.  This just refers to the people who quietly leave you and take their business elsewhere. This is bad, because it leaves you without the chance to retain/save/bring back the potentially lost customer. At least the customer who comes to you and expresses a desire to leave - - - see, they're coming to you with a complaint, hopeful that you will reach out to them.

Look at these two examples:

Your girlfriend says to you: "I think we should break up."

Your girlfriend says to you: "I'm seeing someone else."

The first one hopes that whatever it is you're doing that is ticking her off can be changed. She hopes you can still reach out and prays it's not too late. She thinks there's still a chance. The second one has already made her decision, and she's out. Say goodbye, give her back her CDs and start updating your profile on MySpace or whatever.

Okay, so now that I've made a metaphor out of an analogy, back to my main point.

What has SciFi done - what is it doing? Well, for starters, they have failed to realize that they have already lost a good deal of their audience. How did this happen? I have a few explanations.

1) They don't understand the needs of their target audience. We want (and I apologize if this sounds like I'm stating the obvious) SCIENCE FICTION. Look at channels like Food Network and Lifetime and ESPN. They have very specific formats, and those formats address the needs of their target audience. They do such a good job of it that they don't have to try and convince their audience that they're "on their side." They don't have to change their branding in an effort to try and reach more people.

2) A lot of the really solid science fiction fans fall into the "silently dissatisfied" category - I'm one of them, usually. I've been disappointed with SciFi's programming for several years, and just assumed they might one day figure out that I left, and try to find out why. I know, like they'd care, right? Well, the thing is, it's easier to believe they don't care. And that's the perception they don't seem interested in changing.

3) Nobody really believes that the managing directors of the Sci Fi channel are fans of the genre. This creates a perception of "us versus them" which in this case really plays heavily against the channel. See, being a fan of Science Fiction is still very much looked upon as "geekdom", and looked down on by most other distinguishing elements of pop culture. It's kind of like high school, still, in many ways. Remember how much crap Vin Diesel got for admitting he liked Dungeons and Dragons? And then he made "The Pacifier." Double ouch.

Basically, what's hamstringing the Execs over there is an apparent unwillingness to accept that Sci Fi fans are justified in pulling away from network loyalty. They figure being the "only sci fi channel" makes them justified in trying to draw the focus of their channel in any way they like. You know, for the good of the fans, whether they like it or not.

But in a nutshell, my question for the network executives is: what makes you think you know what Science Fiction fans WANT? What, you read the forums? You check your emails? A recent interview with David Howe, Sci Fi channel president, said "The testing we've done has been incredibly positive..."  But I really have to ask: what kind of fan of Science Fiction would have to TEST a brand name of Science Fiction in order to see if it might receive a positive reaction?

My answer is, "if you have to ask...."

Yes, Mr Howe, I believe you when you say that rebranding is a difficult challenge. When I was 16, I started going by "Ren" instead of my given name "Darren." It was a cosmetic as well as philosophical choice. It was also driven by the symmetry of my life at that time to a character from the movie "Footloose" which was not only at that time contemporary but immediately relevant.

Oh, sure, people called me "Darren" for a while - some people in my family still do - but I continued to introduce myself by the new moniker, and eventually it just kind of became how everyone knew me.  I'm sure a few people thought it was stupid. But a lot of people who I really got along with then and now all agreed that it was really just more me and made more sense.

So I can understand SciFi's frustration with the whole rebranding efforts. You're going to lose people in the process, and you might gain new ones who will at least be intrigued by the weird new name.

What has perplexed me thus far is the mindset of why they felt the need to rebrand in the first place. For me, it was that I was 16, and shuffled from the central valley of California to the bootheel of southeastern Missouri. I was young, pissed off, and detemined to establish who I was and who I was going to be. And few things that don't involve body piercings or tattoos refines an identity focus that more delicately than a name change. Hey, at least I wasn't changing it to a noun or adjective. Could've been a location, too, for that matter. They all called me "California" for a while there. But I'm not a whole state. That would have been presumptuous.

Is the Sci Fi channel having an adolescent identity crisis? Do they just not know who they are? Are they frustrated, feeling like they've been pigeonholed into a category to which they do not believe they belong? That would certainly explain it.

That being the case, all this talk of "trademarking" and "marketing ownership" would simply be pretenses, and excuses. Honestly, it just sounds like the Sci Fi channel needs a good hug, and to be told it's okay to like stories about spacemen and time travel and aliens and dragons. Really, SciFi. It's okay. You don't need to cut yourself or dye your hair black and hang velvet over your windows. Don't hate yourself, SciFi. You're a pretty, pretty princess.

Well, except for that Wrestling crap. That $h!t's gotta go.


http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/TV/07/06/scifi.syfy.change/index.html?iref=mpstoryview