The New abNormal

I'd like to figure out why I've been so cranky lately. Well, I don't even know if "cranky" is the right word. I've just become more unintentionally introverted over the course of the last few years - a trait I can trace back to my early 20s, really. So maybe that's become more of a defining character feature, and not so much a transitory thing. And it's possibly just a matter of perception, too; I have to allow for that. I don't ALWAYS feel cranky - I mostly feel (or at least I perceive that I feel it) happy, optimistic, enthusiastic. Sometimes I feel tired. Sometimes I feel emotionally wearied by my understanding of the way things are in the world, and I respond to this by finding a happy center and recharging.

I think maybe that's part of it; I feel like I've been having to find my center a lot more these days. For a while there, I was able to attribute it to my attention to the nation and the world's issues - it's quite a substantial weight to examine the Big Issues and remember that I'm just one guy trying to do his part.  Honestly, it's a bit beyond my pay grade, but I still feel resolved to at least try and help make this world a better place than I found it, if for no other reason, than for my child. And even if my only options are to try and spread some nicer path of joy along the course of my life, that's something, too.

Which element of the "serenity prayer" am I needing the most focus on? Changing what can be changed? Accepting what cannot be changed? The wisdom to discern between them?

And by the way, I'm not referring to anything specific there. My life is a good life, and, barring a publishing contract, is as good as I could imagine it. Fear of losing those things that make my life so satisfying - that's something which I feel. Lack of really substantial sleep? That's a good factor, too.

Ugh. This is turning into a larger ball of lint than I'd anticipated. Or really wanted to explore, I suppose. I'm tired, I'm a bit cranky, and my skin is shifting from pain to itchy. Oh, and I just had a birthday whose number I really didn't want to think about.

Okay, so I think I'll take this a step at a time.

First step: stop whining.